In Defense of Going Stealth π³οΈββ§οΈ
Back when I first made this blog, I imported two posts from my trans alt on Mastodon. I realized today while reflecting on things that I never brought over another post I had written about going stealth, which I will share here.
Though I have decided to slowly come back out as trans, I spent the past five years living as stealth and I am sympathetic to others who also live as stealth, or have lived as stealth in the past.
This essay is totally unedited and in rough shape. But I still agree with the sentiment and wanted to post it in full.
Anyone who says being stealth is cowardly/privileged/transphobic/etc can fuck off.
I worked hard to get to where I am today. It took a lot of time, courage, pain, money, etc to transition and pass and be myself. I have accomplished what I always wanted--to become a normal man.
If I were to out myself again, it would trigger inescapable, self-inflicted dysphoria.1
Going stealth isn't something people do because they are lazy, politically apathetic, or ashamed of being trans.
It is harm reduction and a measure of self care. It is a legitimate and crucial decision for anyone who transitions.
When I was early on in my transition and couldn't pass, I spent every waking hour wrestling with awful depression, anxiety, and dysphoria. I would constantly be wondering whether people saw me as a man or a woman, if they were wondering things about my body, if they were judging me for how I looked, talked, or behaved.
Now, I go outside and simply exist.
Each person's transition is different. By definition, assimilation into the opposite sex is the end goal.
Stealth people shouldn't be expected to come out because we "owe" it to anyone. We owe ourselves personal safety and mental wellbeing over anything and/or anyone--else.
We can still affect change anonymously, or IRL as allies. Surprisingly, we may even openly participate in other sectors of the LGBT community.
There is no right or wrong answer to the question of whether someone should be stealth or not. And the only person you have to answer to is yourself.
β Posted on β 01/22/25
β Last modified β 5Β months ago
β Link β https://blog.xavierhm.com/in-defense-of-going-stealth
Footnotes
In all honesty, this is still the case, but I've decided to come out anyway. I will be making small steps IRL in preparation of coming out full-time/offline so I can mitigate potential mental/emotional health issues.↩